Long story short, I accidentally passed a stopped school bus again. This is the second time this year. The first time I got a ticket from the bus cam, I was coming up a hill and around a bend, saw the bus with flashing yellow lights, and assumed the bus stop was at the corner with a stop sign, which I was going to overtake before the bus reached. Nope. Stopped at opposite corner, turned on its red lights while I was within 20 ft of it, and I didn't have time to process in order to slam on my breaks. H and I fought the ticket and eventually won on the technicality that the ticket was issued to him, but he wasn't the one driving. Huge hassle.
Earlier today, a bus joins traffic on a 4 lane highway (2 lanes going one direction, 2 lanes going the opposite direction), which briefly becomes a 5 lane highway when a short turning lane opens up. The bus changes lanes into the turning lane, and turns on its flashing yellow lights. I slow down and try to figure out where it's going to stop and if I have time to safely come to a stop without being rear-ended, or if it's better to pass while the lights are still yellow. None of the cars in front of me stop for the yellow lights. The bus gets towards the end of the turn lane at the corner of an intersection, on the other side of which the lane ceases to exist, and I assume that it's turning down a less busy, residential street. (Why wouldn't it be? Are you telling me it's safer to drop children off on the corner of a busy highway than a little ways down a side street, where the speed limit is likely, at most, 35 instead of 55? That it's better for the bus to try to maneuver back into the lane that goes through the intersection instead of turning down that street and turning around in the loop that's about 300 feet down the road from the intersection? Why TF did the bus stop in the turning lane of a highway??)... Anyway, I am not turning, so I assume the bus will stop after it turns and that it's safe to pass it while those yellow lights are still on. The bus slows like it's going to turn... But instead, when I'm about 10 ft away, it stops and throws on its red flashing lights. WTF?! I don't have time to react again, and I go past it. I wasn't even sure if that really happened, because it seemed so bizarre and unlucky, but thankfully I remembered to save my dash cam footage. So now I can replay the nonsensical incident over, and over, and over, and over...
I'm having a really hard time with this. I tried Googling if it was legal for busses to stop in turning lanes, but all that came up was very angry posts from bus drivers and parents and "friendly reminders as school starts back up..." pages from organizations all talking about the laws and penalties re: stopping for/passing stopped school busses, and how important it is to keep their precious cargo safe. Not what I was looking for... Several school bus drivers wrote that they typically come to a stop with their yellow lights on, wait until near passing traffic has passed or wave them on, and then put the red lights on, so that there was either no oncoming traffic when the kids got off the bus, or oncoming traffic was far enough away that there was plenty of time to stop. I'm trying to figure out why neither bus driver did that in my situation. This, and the location of the bus stop on this busy road when there are clearly better options, is making me think that this isn't about keeping children safe at all, but rather a cash grab scheme. I mean, when I was in school, my bus route took a whole hour because the stops and route were doing the absolute most to keep kids safe, and my house was only 7 miles from the school.
I ranted at my poor husband over this, and about how ineffective this system is. Everyone says "Well you slow down when you see yellow traffic lights, and then stop before it turns red. The bus is the same thing." But it's not the same at all, because a traffic light at an intersection is stationary, and there's a clearly demarcated line on the pavement that helps you judge if you have time to safely stop before you cross that line when the light is still yellow, or if it'll turn red before you get there. A bus is moving, either towards or away from you, and you don't know where or when the yellow lights will turn red. All you know is that if the yellow lights are on, the bus is stopping in less than 300 ft (150-300 ft, if you see them come on... still a pretty big range. Not exactly all that helpful.) "H was like, well clearly the solution is to come to a stop when you see the yellow lights come on." OH, IS IT NOW? Because I'm pretty sure that's not what he does, and that's not what the vast majority of other drivers on the road do, either. That's WHY there's fucking bus cams on the busses, stopping willy nilly wherever they please and popping their red lights on without a second thought, and charging massive fucking fines to those who pass them, accidentally or not. That's also what makes it DANGEROUS to stop when the yellow lights are on and there's other cars around you: it's not the thing that other drivers are expecting, and therefore they are more likely to wreck into you. My H was like, "Yes, but then it's not your fault. It's their responsibility to stop at the yellow lights and to avoid crashing into you." Oh, sure, like THAT makes it better. My safety and my LIFE don't matter, as long as the accident that compromises those things isn't my fault... And the kids crossing the 4 lane highway won't be hit by my car, at least! Just the other two lanes of traffic that the bus doesn't stop because there's a median! So it's all good!!!!1!!
He didn't understand the predicament and we were both getting frustrated. He suggested I go to the school board, as if they would actually do anything about it. I told him how difficult it was to watch a stop light and be aware of every car surrounding you and also the three different sets of lights (flashers, turn signals, and break lights) on a bus while trying to quickly assess the situation and make a decision. He asked me if I thought I should have a license. It also didn't help that he asked "Don't you feel any sort of personal responsibility over this? To not pass the bus?" Of course I fucking do. I am literally trying my best to not pass busses when it's safe to do so. It just doesn't seem to be working. It seems like I have remarkably unlucky timing, such that this could happen to me more than once, and it just doesn't happen to some people who also happen to think the system works just fine... Or, at least, those people haven't been traveling almost daily at the same time as the school busses since they became equipped with cameras, such that they never got caught passing a bus. Super easy to judge in that position, of course... I know I was triggered, and he knew I was triggered, and I know he was trying to help. But it wasn't helpful, and eventually I just told him to go away and leave me alone. He left to obsess and rage over the video and google maps and driving laws, and put our 4yo to bed without me.
This is not what I wanted to talk about in therapy tomorrow (I only have 45 minutes, ffs) but it looks like it's going to be the topic of the day. I can't even imagine what the latest IC can even tell me; I haven't told her all about my childhood trauma yet, so I don't think she'll be able to just guess why this makes me feel so unsafe and full of rage... I just want someone to see what it is I'm saying, and to tell me I'm not crazy and that the system really is fucked. I don't want to feel like those in power are being unfair and gaslighting me about it. I want to feel like there's some recourse, and some sort of order and justice to the world I live in. I feel like I'm a little girl again who's being abused by the people who are supposed to protect her, and being told that it's all her fault and if she just took some responsibility and cooperated, the punishment wouldn't be lavished like it was, and that she's kuckoo for suggesting that the ones meeting out the punishment have ulterior motives...
I don't feel safe, and I don't know how to comfort or protect myself. I am utterly alone with this and completely overwhelmed by the emotions flooding my brain.
